Boundaries

I hear a lot of talk about boundaries these days–especially on-line. It has become one of the latest buzzwords, but it is an important subject. One of my favourite Reddit sub-reddits is called AITA (Am I The Asshole?). It is filled with stories of people having their boundaries violated, as well as some coming on to seek redemption when they violate someone else’s boundaries. A story in the summer of 2023 that floated across the flotsam of my Facebook newsfeed, involving actor Jonah Hill and his former girlfriend Sarah Brady, a professional surfer and model, caught my attention and brought to the fore for me the whole idea of how some people weaponize legitimate psychological terms, in this case, boundaries.

The bad stuff is actually OK…

Image credit: Elise Gravel (http://elisegravel.com/en/)

I came across this image on-line the other day, and it speaks loudly to me as a former Christian Scientist. I think I’ve written on this subject deep in the early days of this blog, so this may be a bit of a re-visiting some ground I’ve covered, but now I want to do a bit of a deeper dive. This meme illustrates an issue that cuts deep for most of us former Christian Scientists, and it never really goes away. It is what I call the “bad” emotions and feelings.

Why not just move on and live and let live?

Sandy Lake – Bowron Lake Provincial Park, British Columbia, Canada. Image credit: Emerging Gently.

The title of this post sums up some comments on posts that I’ve been receiving lately. It’s various versions of, “Why don’t you just move on?” or “Just let it go?” It does make me think, do I hold on to things I shouldn’t? Would it be better for me to let it all go and move on. Or, have I? I don’t really agree with what I see as the sentiment behind many of the comments. After all, I think most Americans would get pretty upset at anyone who loudly said they should just get over September 11th. Would you tell a parent who grieves their dead child to “get over it”? I don’t think so. However, these comments do also spur my thought in a good way by making me step back for a moment and make sure I’m not just wallowing in self pity here. That is something I do not want to do. I do not want to be shackled to my past.

So, tell me about your childhood…

 

Isaac Lake – Bowron Lake Provincial Park, British Columbia, Canada. Image credit: Emerging Gently.

I’ve been on a mental health journey for the past few months, and through counselling and therapy, I have been finding out a lot about myself and what literally, on the most basic levels, “makes me tick”. Until recently, I proudly thought that I had exorcised most of the Christian Science “demons” from my life. How wrong I was! All I had done was pick the low-hanging fruit (for me, anyway): conditioning myself to go to the doctor, take painkillers and cold meds, and to reach for antibiotics when I need them, that was all was easy (for some former Christian Scientists, I realize that this is difficult). I do it without even a second thought now, and have done so for several years. I was reveling in the idea that I was a “normal human being” now. But, as I’ve discovered, Christian Science is still engrained in me in a deep way, running in the background, like so-called “running processes”–those little computer programs that are part of the operating system. You’re usually never aware of them–until you are.

Every human need met…

“Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need”
(Mary Baker Eddy)

If you’ve been a Christian Scientist, or even have the slightest familiarity with it, you’re probably familiar with this phrase. It’s a phrase that at one time brought great comfort to me and many other former Christian Scientists back when we still marinated in the Christian Science Krazy Sauce.

“Happy” holidays…

Since 2009, this has not been an easy time of year for me, to be honest. On December 25, 2009, at approximately 6:30 pm, after an approximately seven year battle with untreated (and I don’t consider Christian Science “treatment” to be any sort of valid treatment at all) heart failure, my Dad died. My holiday malaise usually gets going around the weekend of American Thanksgiving, usually the last Thursday of November. That’s when I flew out to where Dad lived to look after him in what turned out to be his last days.

My indifference…

Through discussion in the ex-Christian Scientist Facebook groups, and my heightened awareness of my own reactions to things as a result, I’ve come to realize one huge leftover effect of my years in Christian Science: a sometimes disturbing sense of indifference when there’s suffering, or other negative things happening around me. This indifference doesn’t happen all the time, but the fact that it happens at all bothers me deeply. It’s similar to a sense of nihilism that Christian Science can create that I’ve written about before.

Orange juice makes me happy!

This is part of an occasional series of posts that will look into what it’s like to grow up as a Christian Scientist. Look for posts under the category “Growing Up Christian Scientist“.

Orange juice makes me happy!

This was the once-proud pronouncement of a child who grew up in a Christian Science household. She related this to a Christian Science practitioner, and was sternly rebuked. Yes, you heard me right–this happy child was rebuked for simply expressing how happy something as simple as orange juice made her feel! Can you believe that? I’ll bet most people can’t, but those of us who grew up swimming in the Krazy Sauce of Christian Science just give a knowing head-nod and eye-roll. We’ve all been there before in one way or another.

What’s “God” got to do with it?

I was recently offered a new position at work–it represents a bit of a promotion. It’s a job that focuses on some primary aspects of the varied roster of duties I’ve had in my five-year tenure where I work, but at a higher level of overall responsibility. Back in the day, I would have credited Christian Science, God, and probably Mary Baker Eddy (in some way) for this opportunity. Most people of deep faith will credit God or some other deity for good fortune in their lives. I do not. I’m going to sound a bit selfish and egotistical here, dear reader; but in this case, I largely credit myself.

Unpacking

Image credit: Emerging Gently.

Throughout our lives, we unpack stuff. You go on a trip, you unpack some stuff at the destination so you can easily access things. You return home, you unpack your stuff, and settle back into your routine at home. You move, you pack all your stuff up, haul it to your new home, then unpack. It’s part of the cycle of life. It’s also part of what I’d call the practice of good mental health. A term I’ve learned over the past few years in relation to mental health is precisely this term: unpacking.