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About this blog:

“Emerge gently from matter into Spirit.”
~Mary Baker Eddy (Science and Health With Key to the Scriptures, p. 485)

“Emerge gently” is a phrase that is familiar to anyone who has been a Christian Scientist, and it originates with the above quote. This blog is the story of my journey both within, getting out, and now outside of the religion known as Christian Science. My “emergence” is quite opposite of the emergence Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of Christian Science, speaks of in the above quote.

I started this blog in 2013 as a form of therapy to deal with the lasting effects Christian Science has had on me, and to tell the story of why I left Christian Science. I was also inspired to start this blog when I found a similar blog, also kept by a former Christian Scientist. Outside of that blog, I found few resources for former Christian Scientists that weren’t Christian-oriented, and I wanted to add to the available resources for former Christian Scientists that speak from a non-Christian perspective. As much as this is a personal blog about my life inside and outside of Christian Science, I also want this to be a resource for people who are or are thinking of leaving Christian Science, and for those who want to learn more about this obscure religion.

About me: a few questions answered:

The easiest way to do an “about me” section is to do it in the form of a Q & A. So, here goes.

Why are you doing this, and what do you want to achieve with this blog?

Number one, I am doing this for my own healing. This is the main reason why I started it, and why I continue with it. Also, there are not a lot of secular resources available for people who have left, or are leaving, Christian Science. When I was initially leaving Christian Science, almost all of the on-line resources I found that were specific to those leaving or who had left Christian Science, were Christian-oriented. This did not work for me, so I wanted to provide an alternative. I was also inspired to do this blog by one other secular-focused blog I found that was written by a former Christian Scientist. I also want to educate people about Christian Science. After I met my wife, who knew nothing about Christian Science before she met me, I realized that there are more than a few people like her out there who have partners or friends who are or were Christian Scientists, and they may want a resource that gives them some insight into this bizarre and obscure religion.

Why do you write this blog anonymously?

When I started this blog, my desire for anonymity was rooted in an insecurity about “coming out” so publicly as a non-Christian Scientist to other Christian Scientists, especially those with whom I had personal connections. That is no longer a concern to me. Now my desire for anonymity is because I write about some personal things and as an introvert, I am more comfortable if my persona is not directly attached. Also, I feel that if “me” is kept out of the picture, the story and what I write stands better on its own. I do speak out more visibly against Christian Science now, where in the past I would not have. Many of my readers do know who I am, and I often share this blog with others I know now, so I suppose you could say I am more “softly” anonymous now.

Why did you leave Christian Science, and how long did it take?

Easy answer: I finally realized and accepted the fact that Christian Science does not work as promised. Its claims are false. I often refer to it as highly refined bullshit and Krazy Sauce. A fellow ex-Christian Scientist refers to it as “mental gymnastics”. I always had doubts about Christian Science from early childhood, and I finally began to spend time with them and listen to them. The catalyst for my final departure was the deaths of my parents, who died in painful ways that nobody has to suffer through nowadays (unless you cling steadfastly to Christian Science and its fallacious claims). Christian Science completely failed to heal them despite promising otherwise. I remember saying to myself at one point, during my Dad’s last days, “his (my father’s) fate will not be mine.” Looking back, I feel that that was the pivot point where I knew I was finally done with Christian Science. My last official tie with anything connected to Christian Science was cut three years later. The decision to leave was quick, the process took longer. Sadly, Christian Science has never fully left me, and I have come to terms with the fact that its effects will always be with me. I wrote a series of posts back in 2013 that tell the complete story of why I started my journey out of Christian Science, which can be viewed at this link.

How old were you when you finally left Christian Science and how long have you been out?

I was 42 years old when I began my journey out of Christian Science, in 2009. I will leave the rest of the math to you, dear reader.

Do you have any family members who are Christian Scientists?

No. A few of my cousins attended the Christian Science Sunday School growing up, but they all left the faith as soon as they were adults. Most of my cousins were not raised in Christian Science; and with two exceptions, none of my aunts or uncles stayed in the faith beyond Sunday School. I am the second of three children my parents had. An older sister died before I was born, and my younger brother passed away when he was 16 and I was 18, so none of my immediate family is still alive. Neither of my siblings died due to a lack of medical care, however.

How many generations of your family were Christian Scientists?

I am third generation on both sides. My mother was raised in Christian Science entirely (both parents were devout Christian Scientists), and my grandmother on my father’s side was introduced to it shortly after she divorced my grandfather, when my father was about 12 years-old, so he was raised in it through his teen years. I was the last person in my generation of the family to leave Christian Science, and no members of younger generations have even been exposed to Christian Science.

How deep were you into Christian Science?

Almost as deep as you can get. Except for a brief departure for a year when I was 18, I regularly attended Sunday School; I attended a summer camp for Christian Scientists, starting as a camper, then working as a CIT, counsellor, and various staff positions; I attended Principia College, a college for Christian Scientists; I took Class Instruction and attended yearly Association meetings for about ten years; and I worked at The Mother Church, the world headquarters of the Christian Science Church, in Boston, Massachusetts, USA for ten years. My Christian Science teacher said on many occasions that he thought I would eventually make an excellent Christian Science practitioner.

Do you still remain in contact with Christian Scientist friends from when you were in the faith?

Yes, however not many and not closely. I have one friend from my time at Principia College who I remain close to, who was recently in my wedding. However, that person has also left Christian Science. Outside of Facebook connections, I do not actively maintain close ties with those who are still Christian Scientists that I was friends with from either my college days or my time in Boston. This is probably equal parts my own choice, and some who separated themselves from me as I became more outspoken against Christian Science. I found, early on in my departure, that it was better for my own mental health to not be connected to people who “lived and breathed” Christian Science in every aspect of their lives, especially on their Facebook timelines. I am not in contact with anyone I knew from my Christian Science Association, other than a couple of members who have also left Christian Science.

You say you harboured doubts about Christian Science throughout your life, why did you not leave earlier?

I desperately wanted it (Christian Science) to work, and I did depart briefly when I was 18, but returned a year later. Christian Science makes some wonderful (too good to be true) promises. A believer’s relationship to their deity and their religion is complicated, and has many parallels to an abusive relationship. You know it is bad, you know you should probably walk away, but you don’t know any other way, and you’re afraid to leave, maybe you try to leave, but it keeps hooking you back in. It is a weird sort of comfort blanket. Making that leap of faith into an abyss where you don’t know where you’re going to end up is terrifying. It is a bit like, “better the devil you do know, than the one you don’t”. There is also that aspect of admitting, by leaving, that you have been buying in to a complete load of bullshit all your life. I also deeply loved and respected my parents, and admitting my doubts were right would be to also admit that on a deeply fundamental level, my parents were wrong and deluded. It would have been much harder for me to leave Christian Science with my parents still in my life. Even though I know that they would have been accepting of any path I chose, it would have hurt them to see me leave their faith.

So, you left Christian Science, but why did you leave Christianity and religion in general?

Even as a Christian Scientist, I found absolutely no appeal in other forms of Christianity, and I especially despise American Evangelical Christianity. None of it is for me. I honestly find Christianity, in all of its various forms, to be extremely toxic and repulsive. A more thorough and objective reading of the Bible has also led me to the conclusion that, to paraphrase Jesus, it is all a “house built on sand”. I also came to the conclusion that God, as depicted in the Bible, is not something I wanted to worship or respect, even if it were to exist. Religion in general, does not make sense to me, and I find no appeal in any other form of religion. I find it all to be completely illogical and lacking any basis in verifiable evidence or facts, and mostly it all seems to be about control. I agree one hundred percent with what Frank Sinatra said in an interview many years ago, “You show me one step forward in the name of religion and I’ll show you a hundred retrogressions.” I believe in what I find evidence for, and accept that there is a lot that we do not know. I do not need to fill that void with religious superstition.

Do you believe in God?

No. I have come to realize that there is absolutely no evidence for the existence of any sort of deity, and plenty of evidence that there is no deity. It is not a matter of belief for me, but of realization: God is no more real or valid than Zeus, Thor, Odin, or any one of thousands of deities that humans have created and worshiped throughout history. The only thing that will change my mind is verifiable evidence. Therefore, I am atheist.

Did you explore any other faith or spiritual paths after leaving Christian Science?

Yes. While I am an atheist now, my journey to this point led through various New Age and New Thought beliefs and practices. I have also followed Indigenous ceremonies and spiritual practices, and much of that practice remains with me through a deep and empathic connection I feel to the Earth and other living things. Many of the teachings I received from Indigenous Elders and Knowledge Keepers have guided and framed my life as I live it now. I find meditation to be a beneficial practice, but there is nothing supernatural about it. For a long time I considered myself agnostic. My evolving path can be seen through my earlier posts in this blog. I came to the conclusion that I was atheist around seven years ago.

How did you realize you were atheist?

I was looking up definitions of various things like atheist, agnostic, and spiritual. I realized that at some point, I’ve been each of those things. Reading the definition of atheist, which is defined as “a person who does not believe in the existence of a god or any gods,” I realize that I was actually atheist, and I am completely fine with that. It is not a matter of belief or unbelief, it’s simply that I concluded that no deities exist, therefore I am atheist.

Do you ever think you might return to Christian Science?

No. The longer I am away from Christian Science, the farther I get away from it. I can’t even begin to imagine the idea of being a Christian Scientist now. Me and a few of my on-line ex-Christian Scientist friends sometimes fear that when we get old and/or possibly slip into some sort of dementia, we might revert back to “ways of old”. I truly hope that never happens to me, but that is the only way I could ever see myself returning to that cult.

Have you suffered any physical or other ill effects from having been raised as a child without regular medical care?

Yes, but fortunately they are few and minor. I attribute the chronic tinnitus I suffer from to be a result of severe ear infections I suffered as a child that went untreated. As a child, I was never vaccinated (that is the only exemption to required medical care that exists in Canada). Therefore, I suffered from pertussis as a child, which has likely led to the asthma I contend with now as an adult. As a teenager, I injured my back by improperly lifting something heavy, and I never sought proper treatment for it. Therefore, through my 20s to early 40s, I often suffered from debilitating back pain, until I began to seek proper treatment for it after I left Christian Science. I also deal with mental health issues, such as generalized anxiety disorder and depression, related to my upbringing in Christian Science, for which I have received proper treatment.

If you’re not supportive of Christian Science, why are there links throughout your pages and in your blog posts to resources that are supportive of Christian Science, including Christian Science Church websites?

Short answer: I want my readers to have access to the widest spectrum of information available, so that they can find their own conclusions. I often reference books and other publications of the Christian Science Church, or I write about various organizations within the wider Christian Science “movement”, so I link to those so readers can, if they want, find out more, and so that they know the sources of my information. Sites that link to the full-text of Mary Baker Eddy’s writings are useful for research, even though they are pro-Christian Science. One of my purposes here is to educate people about Christian Science. Going to the source is a good way of doing that.

Would you ever actively try to convince someone to leave Christian Science, or religion in general?

No. I will always be open and honest about my path and my worldview, and if that leads someone out of Christian Science, that’s good with me. I will always be honest and open with my opinions and critiques about Christian Science and religion in general. I have had no hesitation to tell Christian Scientists exactly what I think of Christian Science. I also have family members who are Christian, and they know exactly what I think of their Lord and Saviour and their Sky Daddy. We do not discuss religion, except for our mutual antipathy towards Christian Science. The decision to leave one’s faith is a deeply personal and complex one, and it is not my place to dictate that path to another person in any way. Browbeating someone is the best way to push them away or to make them retrench, and in my opinion, it is abusive behaviour. The same as the fact that I would hate to have someone try to convert me to their faith, I will never try to de-convert anyone. If someone had tried to convince me to leave Christian Science when I was still in the faith, if anything that effort would have made me retrench into Christian Science even more. If someone reaches out to me for support and advice, I will give it, I will gently encourage them to leave, and I will offer any support I can; but, ultimately their path is their own.

Have any of your Christian Scientist friends and acquaintances ever reached out to you, asking about your journey out of Christian Science, and questioning their own faith?

Yes. A few have. I think there are a lot of people who call themselves Christian Scientists who are habouring deep doubts, much like I did, and are just going through the motions and putting on a façade. They are afraid to take that first step to outwardly leave the faith. In many cases, it potentially means leaving family, friends, and careers behind and starting over from scratch, alone. That is not an easy thing to do, and it can be terrifying. Ironically, tragic life circumstances are what made it easier for me to walk away and start over.

Where do you live, and what do you do for work?

I live and work in western Canada. I am a number crunching, paper pushing office slave.

What do you do for fun?

I like to get outdoors: hiking, kayaking, snowshoeing, camping, fishing, canoeing, and backpacking. The forest, the mountains, lakes, and ocean are my happy places. I like to explore new places and backroads with my partner. I am also an avid reader, and I enjoy writing.

Contact:

Email: emerging.gently@shaw.ca