Some Funnies

In the midst of some of the seriousness here on this blog, I feel like taking a break and having a laugh. Here are some Christian Science jokes…

Why I Blog Anonymously

Image from Facebook. Original source unknown.

While I have stated somewhat about why I write this blog anonymously, I’ve never really gone that much into detail as to why I choose to keep my identity confidential. About all I’ve said in my “about” section is a line or two about the small Christian Science community, and not wishing to deal with fallout, and a desire for personal privacy. Yes, there are a few of my readers out there who do know who I am, but I trust that they will keep my super secret-agent identity to themselves.

Journey Through a Christian Science-Free Land–and Mind

Mountains near Carcross, Yukon, Canada.
Image credit: Emerging Gently

I’m on a road trip through northern British Columbia, Yukon, and Alaska. It is truly amazing and beautiful country, largely unspoilt by human activity. Picture a place that’s larger than California, larger than Belgium, Denmark, Germany, and the Netherlands combined, yet has a population of only around 36,000 and you have the Yukon, where I am now as I write this. You drive for hours along the highway with no sign of humanity, not even small buildings at the roadside, other than the road you’re on. You don’t drive past a gas station if your tank is 1/4 or lower.

Divinely Authorized Hubris

“Friends:

The Bible and the Christian Science textbook are our only preachers. We shall now read Scriptural texts, and their correlative passages from our denominational textbook; these comprise our sermon.

The canonical writings, together with the word of our textbook, corroborating and explaining the Bible texts in their spiritual import and application to all ages, past, present, and future, constitute a sermon undivorced from truth, uncontaminated and unfettered by human hypotheses, and divinely authorized.”
~Mary Baker Eddy (Explanatory Note to the Christian Science Bible Lesson)

This statement is read at each and every Christian Science church service from Boston to Botswana. It heralds the coming of one of the grandest snooze fests I’ve ever experienced…the Christian Science Lesson Sermon–usually read pedantically in an excruciatingly sleep-inducing monotone. Recall Ferris Bueller’s teacher? Yeah, you get the idea. I swear I could sleep for 24 hours straight right before a Christian Science church service, wake up, pound 3 Red Bulls and 5 cups of coffee, and still be rendered into a state of nearly catatonic stupor by its sheer blandness and lack of anything remotely resembling excitement. But, I digress–church services will be another topic when inspiration comes to me. I’m here today to talk about divinely authorized hubris. Looking at this statement and breaking it down, especially now that I’ve emerged from the deep dark forest of Christian Science denial, I see a statement that is filled with hubris and high-mindedness.

Losing my religion and finding my own path

Since it is obviously inconceivable that all religions can be right, the most reasonable conclusion is that they are all wrong.
~Christopher Hitchens

Every religion claims to be ‘right’, and Christian Science is absolutely no exception to that rule–in fact, it might be more extreme in some ways than other faiths. I was a ‘class-taught’ Christian Scientist, and strong elements of this exceptionalism attitude were interwoven throughout the teachings I received. Mary Baker Eddy was presented as the woman prophesied in the biblical book of Revelation. While it is somewhat of an ongoing debate within the Christian Science movement as to whether or not she is, there is a significant segment of folks who do believe that she is. I even swallowed that swill for quite a while. Biblical prophecy regarding Christian Science actually validated it for me at a time when I was wavering in my belief. Biblical prophecy was examined throughout my class and Association instruction in many ways that strongly reinforced the belief that Christian Science is prophesied in the Bible. While others may say you’re going to Hell if you don’t follow their path, Christian Science introduces a level of hubris that I don’t see in too many others by saying simply that it’s prophesied in the Bible. It’s simple, but powerful: we’re simply the only true path–we’re the true successor to none other than Jesus Christ himself. No heaven, no hell, just one path–our path, and the rest of you are just plain wrong. It took me many years to realize who was really wrong.

My Church

Image credit: Emerging Gently

Many is the Sunday morning when I sometimes stop and realize, usually anywhere between 10:00 am – 12:00 pm, that at one point in my life I probably would have been sitting in the pew at church. Although I was never an overly regular church-goer back in the day, I tried to attend when I could.

Monkeys With Machine Guns

In a conversation I had with a business acquaintance a few years ago, we were discussing a multi-level marketing company we had both at different times had a brush with, which sells various financial and investment instruments through a network of independent distributors, most of whom have no prior experience or education in the finance or investment fields. He had gone much farther with the company than I did and became a representative and manger for awhile before realizing how flawed the company’s business model was and leaving. I attended one informational meeting at the behest of another friend of mine who was a distributor. When I rather quickly realized the business was a multi-level marketing scheme, I beat a hasty retreat. My acquaintance likened the company’s business model to “giving machine guns to monkeys”. This was his very astute way of describing the handing over of a complex task to someone completely unqualified for it. You’d think that no reasonably sane person would do that, but many do–sometimes with disastrous results for their financial portfolios. Personally, I’ll stick with a financial advisor who has the requisite business or economics degree, and relevant experience.