In the midst of some of the seriousness here on this blog, I feel like taking a break and having a laugh. Here are some Christian Science jokes…
Q: How many Christian Scientists can you fit into a car?
A: An infinite number, as long as they’re all in one Accord.
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes at least one to pray for the old one to go back on.
The devil sent a demon down to earth to stir up trouble in the churches. The demon later returned to report back all the trouble he had started. But, he said that no matter how hard he tried, he could not stir up any trouble in the Christian Science church. “Oh. That’s easy”, the devil replied, “Just get them to try to decide what colour to paint the Sunday School.”
Two guys were hired to do some maintenance on the organ in a Christian Science church. One of them became ill, and his partner rushed to inform the church clerk that his friend needed help. “My friend is sick!” he told the woman.
The Christian Scientist woman confidently responded, “your friend is not sick, he only seems to be sick. Now go back to work.”
The man dutifully returned to his work, but was back with the clerk a few minutes later. He looked at her and said, “My friend seems to have just thrown up all over your floor!”
A mother snake was out teaching a baby snake how to bite people. They came upon a Catholic priest in his robes, praying the rosary. “Those ones are really easy–they’re so preoccupied with that rosary thing, and they’re wearing those robes, you can just sneak right up and bite ’em on the leg. They won’t even see you coming.”
A little while later, they encountered a Jewish rabbi. “They’re also pretty easy,” she said, “they’re so busy looking for the Messiah, they won’t even see you coming until it’s too late and you’ve already been there!”
Soon afterward, they saw a little old lady walking along the road. The mother snake shook and cowered in terror. “You MUST stay away from those people!” she stammered as forcefully as she could.
“Why? She looks harmless,” said the baby snake.
“No, she and others like her are the most dangerous people of all!” said the mother, “she’s a Christian Science practitioner, and if she sees you, she’ll deny that you exist, and *POOF*, you’re gone!”
I leave you with these. If you know others, I welcome them in the comments section. 🙂
I know a CS joke.
There was a Catholic, a Jew, and a Christian Scientist who all just arrived in Hell. The Catholic asked the Jew, “What did you do to get here?” – and the Jew said, “I was just a bit too fond of bacon. What about you? Why are you here?” And the Catholic answered, ” Well, I touched myself where I shouldn’t have too many times.” And then the Catholic asked the Christian Scientist ” And you – Why are you here?” And the Christian Scientist said, “I’m not”
This joke was in a book my boss was reading (Don’t know the name or the author – sorry) He did not get it – so he told it to me, since he knew my religious history. He asked me if I understood it. I did! Not only that, I laughed! But even after explaining it to him, he still did not get it.
That kind of sums up trying to explain CS to someone who knows nothing about it…
I remember a few lines in Mark Twain’s book about Christian Science. He had a small injury, and a woman in his hiking group who was a Practitioner, offered to help. He accepted her help, but she apparently did nothing except lecture him about error…as the injury was slight, he was up and about very soon, and was surprised to receive a bill from her, for her services. As Twain put it, “So, for curing me of an imaginary ailment, I wrote her an imaginary check.”