Thank You For the Readings From the Desk

Many a person who has spent any time marinating in the Christian Science Krazy Sauce will have heard the statement I use as the title for this post many, many times at Wednesday Testimony Meetings in Christian Science churches. In one of the ex-Christian Scientist Facebook groups I’m in, we’ve had a few funny riffs off that statement, with one person wondering how a ‘desk’ can read anything anyway, or how one could thank a ‘desk’, or how readings come from a ‘desk’. Christian Scientists are an odd lot indeed. If it seems odd enough to those of us who’ve been in Christian Science, it must look exceptionally weird to a complete outsider. Christian Scientists are very good at thanking (often profusely) Mary Baker Eddy, Christian Science, or both for almost anything good that happens in their lives. I’ve even heard both get credit for nice weather. Of course, matter, error, and “mortal mind” all get credit if the weather sucks. Occasionally, God and Jesus get an honourable mention in the gratitudes, but I’ll be honest, as I remember things, not as much as the venerable Mrs. Eddy and her “discovery” (Christian Science). Eddy rules the roost.

I’d like to take this opportunity on my own behalf to give thanks (tongue firmly planted in cheek) to Mary Baker Eddy and to Christian Science for some things in my life. First, I’d like to thank Christian Science for killing my parents in the most painful ways possible. I’d also like to thank Christian Science for not healing my little brother of the cerebral palsy that afflicted him for his entire life. That failure dashed the hopes a little boy had of someday being able to talk and play with his little brother, despite the promises Christian Science made that it could make that possible. For those dashed hopes of childhood, I am exceptionally grateful. Oh, and thanks be to Mrs. Eddy and Christian Science for the bouts of untreated pneumonia and bronchitis I suffered painfully from in first and second grade–after all, that suffering could have been alleviated quickly by antibiotics, had my parents seen through the fog and had the good sense to take me to a doctor, but what of my mental state that supposedly caused those illnesses that wouldn’t have been corrected had I not suffered? There are so many things I’d like to give thanks to Christian Science for they’re too numerous to list here. And, I can honestly say that Christian Science is solely responsible for all of these nice unpleasant things. So, in closing, I am so grateful for Mrs. Eddy and Christian Science that I wish for the day they are consigned to the dustbin of history, never to arise again and hurt anybody. Ah, if I could live long enough to see that day!

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7 thoughts on “Thank You For the Readings From the Desk

    • I truly hate Christian Science, and I’ve finally come to terms with that feeling, and am realizing it isn’t necessarily wrong to feel that way. I watched it kill my parents horribly and painfully. Earlier in my life, an aunt suffered from untreated cancer that finally claimed her life. I could go on. The only thing I want to get out of Christian Science now is my pension from my days working at The Mother Church. I earned it in more ways than one.

  1. you are spot on about the krazy sauce! I guess it is not shocking that no one in the church could tell the real truth about cs since they would lose their franchise agreement with the franchisor!

    • In a Facebook group I’m in, I described Christian Science as very nicely wrapped bullshit that can dupe even the most astute person. This in response to a discussion of how otherwise intelligent people could fall for something as ludicrous as Christian Science. It is indeed BS, with nice intellectual packaging.

    • Really? So, you’re saying that “hatred” in any form is just a lack of intellectual understanding?

      Please do proffer an explanation because on its face, you comment sounds like psycho-babble BS.

  2. This is from the Princeton University alumni magazine from 1911.
    HENRY PENNINGTON TOLER.

    The Secretary regrets to announce the death, under exceedingly sad circum-
    stances, of “Harry” Toler, who committed suicide by plunging into Hell Gate
    tide oflf Ward’s Island, New York, on February i, 1910. He had been con-
    fined in the Manhattan State Insane Asylum for seven months as a victim of
    incurable religious mania. This mania had been steadily developing for several
    years, and finally culminated in an attack against some of the members of the
    First Church of Christ (Christian Science) of New York, whereupon he was
    adjudged insane and committed in July 1909 to the Asylum on Ward’s Island.
    It seemed for a time as if he were recovering, and his friends and his family
    were much encouraged, only to be shocked and grieved by the sad and tragic
    termination of his life.

    I find the words ‘incurable religious mania” to be an apt description of cs.

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