A common theme I have found among many of the former Christian Scientists I have connected with so far, is that it doesn’t seem as if many of them ever planned initially to leave Christian Science. It’s not like they just woke up one morning and said, “I don’t believe in this BS anymore”; it just sort of happened, and it happened naturally, like an evolution of thought. Yes, there are some who were raised “in the faith” who probably never intended to stay with it once they were legally free of their parents’ influence, but most of us who grew up in the faith, and stayed with it for awhile, didn’t really plan to leave. It just…sort of…happened.
If you had told me just four years ago that I would no longer be a Mother Church member, I would no longer be attending Association; or that I’d be connecting with, agreeing with, much less being supportive of the efforts of people and organizations like C.H.I.L.D. Inc and Rita Swan, or Caroline Fraser who authored “God’s Perfect Child“–a heretical book among the hard-core Christian Science crowd if there ever was one, I would have laughed you out of the room. But, that’s where I am now. I used to think that they, and others like them who spoke critically of Christian Science, were akin to the anti-Christ. Not anymore. And hey, now I’ve joined the fray in my own small way with this blog!
Even just earlier this year, I never would have thought I’d be blogging about this. Sharing on Facebook groups and other sites, yes, and I have been doing so for awhile. But, with some inspiration from others who are blogging, and encouragement from some to put my story out there, I’m doing just that. So yes, this departure journey I’m on, and the directions it’s taken have been an emergence, and the path unplanned. I’m just rolling with it–that’s the best thing I can do, and see what the universe has in store for me.
When I initially began to drift away from Christian Science, just after I left my job at The Mother Church (TMC), I thought I would just leave branch church membership and involvement in Christian Science-related activities. I figured I’d still study Christian Science, and despite some misgivings about recent actions by my Christian Science teacher towards me, I also planned to still attend Association meetings. I was done with the “culture” of Christian Science–thoroughly disgusted with it, in fact. The work environment I had left at TMC was toxic, and I felt like I was supporting and furthering a cause that not only did I not believe in anymore, but that I thought was bringing great harm to others by the way it was being practiced. But, I didn’t feel that I was necessarily done with Christian Science itself.
The best way I can describe it is that I just gradually over about a year or so, lost interest. I maybe went to church one or two times after I moved to my new home, but I just found that Christian Science was leaving my heart. The more distance in time that I put between the end of my active participation in all things Christian Science and my present, the more I saw that deep down, I was no longer a Christian Scientist. As I look back now, deep down, I don’t think I really ever was a Christian Scientist. I wanted to be, I tried to be, I talked the talk, and as best as I could I walked the walk, but doubts were always there.
I also began to explore new spiritual paths. In particular, I began to explore North American Aboriginal spirituality, and have found that it just fits me perfectly. It’s comfortable and just feels “right”, like it’s the path I was always meant to follow. As I accelerated further down this path, I just found Christian Science becoming a smaller and smaller blip in my rear view mirror.
What feels the best to me is that I’m finally being honest with myself. I am being who I am meant to be, and a huge burden that I didn’t realize I was carrying has lifted off me, and I have never been happier with my life as I am now. So, I am following my best laid plans. I just didn’t realize what they were until now.